tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6504259906351329000.post1519925339051994926..comments2024-03-18T19:50:01.168-04:00Comments on JACK at RANDOM: Right Where I Am: Fourteen Months, Four DaysJosh Jacksonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07558455153152363458noreply@blogger.comBlogger42125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6504259906351329000.post-17144085549769082132013-04-11T01:04:27.796-04:002013-04-11T01:04:27.796-04:00Your writing is so beautiful that I feel you might...Your writing is so beautiful that I feel you might have already read this. But I wanted to leave it for you anyways. <br /><br /><br />[i carry your heart with me(i carry it in]<br />By E. E. Cummings<br />i carry your heart with me(i carry it in<br />my heart)i am never without it(anywhere<br />i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done<br />by only me is your doing,my darling)<br /> i fear<br />no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want<br />no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)<br />and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant<br />and whatever a sun will always sing is you<br /><br />here is the deepest secret nobody knows<br />(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud<br />and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows<br />higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)<br />and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart<br /><br />i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)<br />Daniegirlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18435159960179178256noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6504259906351329000.post-69343634835361988702012-06-06T11:58:59.565-04:002012-06-06T11:58:59.565-04:00Wearing black! I have started wearing other colou...Wearing black! I have started wearing other colours in this past month. I couldn't bring myself to wear a colour that didn't reflect the colour of my feelings.<br /><br />Thank you.<br /><br />hugs<br />Maria<br />xxxxxMariahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13375431824086171027noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6504259906351329000.post-40791828389937488732012-06-05T16:30:29.633-04:002012-06-05T16:30:29.633-04:00Standing is huge. And, as I remember after reading...Standing is huge. And, as I remember after reading your words here, standing marks a real change from those days when just breathing felt huge.<br /><br />And this - "But to be okay with sadness, to sit with it and process it and feel the heartache, without pushing it away or trying to get over it, feels so profoundly freeing." - God, yes. It took me a long time to get there, but it was a huge relief when I did.<br /><br />Thank you so much for this post. Remembering your Margot and sending love to you and yours.ericahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06347057746449071812noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6504259906351329000.post-19737187285191705382012-06-04T16:22:09.603-04:002012-06-04T16:22:09.603-04:00"Margot - or at least the idea of her - is so..."Margot - or at least the idea of her - is so much a part of me now, so integrated into my being, into my story and conversations and friendships and daily life, that the longing for her has subsided."<br /><br />Yes. That is exactly it. My own RWIA post talked about being infused with Emma, about her soaking into my organs so, yup, I get this completely. Thank you for your eloquent words.Fireflyforeverhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15290560217994184778noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6504259906351329000.post-28714198407480410732012-06-02T14:27:16.357-04:002012-06-02T14:27:16.357-04:00"I can say that now without crying, without w..."I can say that now without crying, without wanting to crawl into a hole, without my guts doing somersaults. I can say that from the standing position, my back vertical, my toes curled up against the ground. "<br /><br />This, right here, is something miraculous, right? I mean, all that time ago, would you ever believe it could be so ever again? <br /><br />Love every word of this, Josh. It makes me feel so much less alone in all of this.<br /><br />Love to you guys, always.<br />xoMary Bethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12212750107782259674noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6504259906351329000.post-10722165232741880012012-06-01T21:07:28.954-04:002012-06-01T21:07:28.954-04:00Oh, Josh, this is so beautiful. It's weird, is...Oh, Josh, this is so beautiful. It's weird, isn't it, how you can know at some turning points that things are just going to be different. That is one thing that has surprised me - I've had one turning point in the grief, it happened at about 9 1/2 months, when I felt the shift of Nathaniel being gone for about as long as he was alive. It was like I stepped into a new chapter of grief, and there was no going back. And that made me sad for a moment, but I must admit that there is relief. <br /><br />I'm still crazy, though. Crazy in my grief. I hope for more groundedness someday. Less simple pain every day. Most days, just being is still painful. <br /><br />My favorite description: Margot - or at least the idea of her - is so much a part of me now, so integrated into my being, into my story and conversations and friendships and daily life, that the longing for her has subsided. The deep ache I once had for her isn't as intense because of this integration, this beautiful and abstract coalescence of our stories coming together. I don't physically feel her presence, or see her in rainbows or birds or visions, yet her story has altered my own so thoroughly that it feels like I carry her with me wherever I go. So much of who I've become over the past fourteen months is because of her and I am grateful for the transformation that has taken place within me, the gifts from her story, from her brief existence. <br /><br />I don't have integration. I'm still checked out of my life before, still waiting to decide how and what and when to step back in...Suzannehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01955054876521178314noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6504259906351329000.post-29152790749476666982012-06-01T19:25:56.788-04:002012-06-01T19:25:56.788-04:00Love you post and can hear the love you have for y...Love you post and can hear the love you have for your daughter in your every word. I'm so sorry to hear her story and feel your you and your family. Thank you for stopping by my blog.... and can picture Gabrielle and Margot playing together somewhere with all the other beloved angel babies xoxoDandelionBreezehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06988561541523178095noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6504259906351329000.post-71504224114591103152012-06-01T03:37:26.522-04:002012-06-01T03:37:26.522-04:00My heart has ached for your family. Your words and...My heart has ached for your family. Your words and experience have affected my perceptions and appreciation of being able to conceive, being able to carry a baby to term, being able to birth a live baby with the health of both mother and baby intact. I thought I had realized what a 'miracle gift' life truly is but it wasn't until you shared your story that it became so real. I'm so happy there has been a shift for you. Your words have articulated exactly where I have been after a loss of someone very dear, a loss that still paralyzes me sometimes, even after 5 years. I just really appreciate you sharing and putting words to it because it takes away some of the isolation and lonliness that grief brings. Thank you for sharing Margot, she has changed me and I'll always be grateful to her for that. Glad you are on firmer ground.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6504259906351329000.post-85798619689401369562012-05-31T23:37:31.654-04:002012-05-31T23:37:31.654-04:00Josh, you write so beautifully, painting such a cl...Josh, you write so beautifully, painting such a clear picture of it all. I read your post to my husband tonight and he cried. He loved your writing and he felt so connected to your words, as do I. That happy and sad coexistence is so real to me. I'm so sorry about your sweet Margot. I went back through your blog and did some reading and crying. Your family is so gorgeous. Thank you for sharing precious Margot with us. Thank you also for your comment on my blog. It's nice to have others to relate to on this journey. Love to you and your beautiful family.Nicolehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18337872238412215610noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6504259906351329000.post-42899827080836050482012-05-31T05:57:18.286-04:002012-05-31T05:57:18.286-04:00Beautiful words ... I am sure Margot is blowing yo...Beautiful words ... I am sure Margot is blowing you kisses and loving hearing how much her daddy misses her. I often like to think that there is a special place in Heaven where all of our children that left us too soon all play together and that one day all the children and babyloss parents will be reunited and we can thank each other for the outpouring of love and support...I hope that place does exist. I hope Margot and Riley, Peyton, and Cameron are all great friends...thank you for sharing your love for all your family with us...Jessicahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15550346625004276669noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6504259906351329000.post-87058803833333409882012-05-30T06:41:45.001-04:002012-05-30T06:41:45.001-04:00Josh, you write so clearly with love for your wife...Josh, you write so clearly with love for your wife and your three beautiful children. It is hard to believe all this happened to any of us, I often catch myself incredulous too.xJeanettehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11423818333034603238noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6504259906351329000.post-2695981422468881232012-05-29T22:40:34.877-04:002012-05-29T22:40:34.877-04:00I hope you don't mind me saying, it's a re...I hope you don't mind me saying, it's a relief to finally hear a male voice - you're the first one I have come across. The taboo of male emotion, the pressure for them to be 'strong and silent' is one I have never experienced as strongly as in watching the world ignore that our son had two parents - a Mother AND a Father. I find myself saying often, "He lost his son, too." You have a wonderful way with words, and your three children are just beautiful. Thank you for sharing your story.After Aidanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06543329686410241380noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6504259906351329000.post-22640450354349033602012-05-29T21:18:05.195-04:002012-05-29T21:18:05.195-04:00An earthquake. I get this. I can go weeks without ...An earthquake. I get this. I can go weeks without feeling the dirt on my face and then suddenly, I'm sitting in a chair without words, feeling lost in my sadness over my missing daughter. It comes and goes and I'm getting used to it now. Thanks for stopping by.Josh Jacksonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07558455153152363458noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6504259906351329000.post-35153960056817784202012-05-29T21:16:00.931-04:002012-05-29T21:16:00.931-04:00Hey my friend. Thank-you for your words. Liam is o...Hey my friend. Thank-you for your words. Liam is one of the little people who I think about nearly every day. Lots of love and peace to you guys as you navigate the long road ahead.Josh Jacksonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07558455153152363458noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6504259906351329000.post-20535552103497912672012-05-29T21:13:45.961-04:002012-05-29T21:13:45.961-04:00Thanks sister, for always reading, always reaching...Thanks sister, for always reading, always reaching out. I love you to bits.Josh Jacksonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07558455153152363458noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6504259906351329000.post-84958700876002913262012-05-29T21:13:08.682-04:002012-05-29T21:13:08.682-04:00Thanks Leslie for your kind words. We are checking...Thanks Leslie for your kind words. We are checking in often on your little C's. God I can only imagine a sliver of what your days are like right now. Peace to you, as much as possible right now.Josh Jacksonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07558455153152363458noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6504259906351329000.post-15124432698789483972012-05-29T21:09:56.869-04:002012-05-29T21:09:56.869-04:00Thanks Angela. This community, our words strung ou...Thanks Angela. This community, our words strung out together, is so wonderful. I'm at a loss for words too.Josh Jacksonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07558455153152363458noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6504259906351329000.post-18528183073284740172012-05-29T21:09:01.201-04:002012-05-29T21:09:01.201-04:00Dude. I'm so thankful to share this journey wi...Dude. I'm so thankful to share this journey with you. Seriously.Josh Jacksonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07558455153152363458noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6504259906351329000.post-25906892910711074242012-05-29T21:08:23.272-04:002012-05-29T21:08:23.272-04:00Thank-you for your kind words here. I think of you...Thank-you for your kind words here. I think of your Stella often and I'm so sorry she isn't here.Josh Jacksonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07558455153152363458noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6504259906351329000.post-22573294974895464602012-05-29T21:04:18.789-04:002012-05-29T21:04:18.789-04:00Yes, Catherine, living in this dichotomy can be so...Yes, Catherine, living in this dichotomy can be so tricky sometimes. And I have found that part of accepting her death is accepting this new life full of happy and sad, to put it plainly. <br /><br />Glad to be sharing this journey with you my friend. <br /><br />JoshJosh Jacksonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07558455153152363458noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6504259906351329000.post-47956406449161132272012-05-29T20:59:14.929-04:002012-05-29T20:59:14.929-04:00Thanks Rachel for your kind words.Thanks Rachel for your kind words.Josh Jacksonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07558455153152363458noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6504259906351329000.post-32953292960701716332012-05-29T20:53:17.667-04:002012-05-29T20:53:17.667-04:00Far-flung family. You betcha. Thanks for stopping ...Far-flung family. You betcha. Thanks for stopping by and for the encouragement and for starting this brilliant thing called RWIA.Josh Jacksonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07558455153152363458noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6504259906351329000.post-74700702313188864182012-05-29T20:39:16.559-04:002012-05-29T20:39:16.559-04:00Thanks Molly! So happy to have shared so much of t...Thanks Molly! So happy to have shared so much of this journey with you and yours.Josh Jacksonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07558455153152363458noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6504259906351329000.post-81935302394058213012012-05-29T20:38:46.933-04:002012-05-29T20:38:46.933-04:00Thanks Brooke for your kind words. I find so much ...Thanks Brooke for your kind words. I find so much solace in the community of the dead babies, like a communal articulation. <br /><br />Hoping for The Deuce and checking in every day for any new updates. HOPE!Josh Jacksonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07558455153152363458noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6504259906351329000.post-33480611570641208232012-05-29T20:36:53.619-04:002012-05-29T20:36:53.619-04:00I agree! BITCH is right. And getting past it, like...I agree! BITCH is right. And getting past it, like literally one day after a year, my wife and I looked at each other and remarked how, in some strange way, we made it.Josh Jacksonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07558455153152363458noreply@blogger.com