December 8, 2005

What Would You Do?

I'm at the gym working out.
45 minutes on the stair climber. 15 minutes of lifting.
I walk down the stairs and enter the men's locker room.

The sign in the hot tub reads:
You must take a shower before entering.
You must wear a bathing suit before entering.

Being a rule abider, I wander over to the showers.
I then proceed to "the room" with bathing suit on.
BTW_The room is enclosed by glass on all sides.

Much to my joy, the room and hot tub are empty.
I wander down the invisible steps into hot waters.
I face away from the locker room for unwitnessed relaxation.

Suddenly, the door opens and a large, uneven man enters.
He came straight from a sweaty workout.
And, by the way, no shower.

And then, with one slow and gruntful move...
he takes off his shorts and underwear.
And then the moment I feared most.

His nakedness plops down next to me.

SO - what would you do?

a) get up and leave?
b) make conversation as if nothing just happened?
c) sit still, trying to remain invisible?
d) none of the above


the benwahs said...

None of the above. Close my eyes and, as I throw up in my mouth a little, pretend it wasn't happening.

Christin said...

Which one did you do? My guess is you tried to "make conversation as if nothing just happened."

matt said...

another option: a confrontive person (which I am not) might ask the dude what's up. You know, like "Hey, that's cool. I guess we're not taking showers before we get in here anymore, huh? And that sign about wearing a bathing suit's probably meant for other people." ha ha. I would never say that out loud, but that's probably what I'd be thinking.

Brian Cooper said...

In order to establish a sincere relationship with this man i would attempt to "be all things to all people." I wouldn't want the man that is breaking the rules to feel uncomfortable by my obedience so I would merely stand up and take off my swim trunks and toss them out. This will in turn lead us into a conversation on how silly the rules are and how liberating it feels to not be submissive to a couple of laminated pieces of paper. Then once there are enough complaints to the management about our disobedience we can complain about how all the legalistic "hot-tubbers" are narrow minded and live in box dictated by a few signs that are most likely outdated.

Then again... I would probably just leave and let the man have his space.

pk said...

I really think I'd be unphased by the large, sweaty, unclad man in the hot tub with me. Hot tubs are a time where it's all about yourself. Am I done hot tubbing? No? Then I'll keep relaxing here.

Unless the guy made some kind of move on me . . . then I'd be out of there!

Josh said...

Thanks for the thoughts! Hilarious! So, what did I do?


I actually froze from the sheer awkwardness of the situation. It took everything in me not to get up and walk out as soon as the pants dropped. So I remained invisible, counted to 60, and got up as if I'd been exhausted from the hot tub.

I haven't been back since.

Tony Myles said...

What is up with old men in gym locker rooms just standing around naked, letting their "business" just be out there in plain sight? It's like they don't even care that I don't want to see them on display... literally, "om display."

Man... I towel off in the stalls.

Bob Carder said...

I would have hit my head on the ceiling trying to get out of there. I take baths with my beautiful wife -ONLY!

Josh I would have never been able to count that high...

Oh and after hitting my head on the ceiling trying to get out of there, I would have mooned him on my way out.

Anonymous said...

i would have said, "Mate, if you even think of sharing your sweat with me, i'll wank right here right now!!"

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