February 27, 2012

All Aboard



You board an ocean liner slowly headed towards the most beautiful place on earth, a place filled with colors you’ve never seen before, strange hues and surprising shades, a place that is guaranteed to change your life at the exact moment you land, the only place in the world where the reality actually exceeds your expectations.

The journey is taxing, laborious, filled with twists and turns, fog and wind, storms, alternate routes, close calls, exhaustion, but always, almost always, those who start the journey make it to paradise.

But this one time, with the destination in site, dead ahead, the ship slams into a storm and swallows the vessel whole, leaving you gasping for air, desperate for what lies just in front of you. And it’s all over. Just like that.


I don’t always know how to put this pregnancy into words.

The sheer guts it takes for Kari to get up from the shipwreck, grief stricken and physically broken, and then to stagger back to the start of the same journey, this time with the addition of fear, post traumatic stress and the feeling of utter helplessness, in order to board the same exact ocean liner is, well, an astonishing feat of grit.

25 comments:

Megan said...

Beautiful imagery, and an amazing wife you've got. Thinking of you two a lot these days, especially as we enter into March. Love and hope sent from Michigan.

Molly said...

You are an amazing husband to recognize just how hard this is on your wife. And you have an incredible wife to handle this difficult journey so well. Love to both of you!!

Mama Bear said...

What a beautiful tribute to your love.

My New Normal said...

Yes it is, and I commend you both for getting back on board. My husband and I are taking the same journey as you are and this time we're also hoping to find our paradise too.

Mary Beth said...

Yeah man. This metaphor is spot on. You guys are almost there. Lots of love as you navigate the waters these last few weeks.
xo

Tiffany said...

that last paragraph is amazing! yes, it takes so much courage to live let alone get pregnant again after losing a child. she is very lucky to have you as a hubby and partner during this time. i know she desperately needs someone to lean on when this journey gets too much to bear.

i just had our rainbow baby last month, and it felt like the longest pregnancy ever. the grief and shear exhaustion left me unable to do much else except for the bear minimum to get through a day. it is definitely worth it, but man, is it a tough decision/journey.

Groves said...

So right, so right, so right.

Bravery doesn't begin to cover it.

Thinking of you all so much.

Cathy in Missouri

Wendi said...

Goodness, Josh. Such an image...I cannot fathom. I hope to meet your Kari one day. She is made of stronger stuff than most. Ditto, Megan. You are all heavy on my heart still; especially now.

Catherine W said...

It's just such a tough time, so fraught. You're right, very difficult to put into words.

It does take grit and bravery and both you and Kari have those two qualities in abundance. Hoping for you and your little son so very much xo

Rachel said...

great imagery! And yes, I often wonder why I CHOSE to do this again. Pregnancy after loss is so hard. But of course it will be worth it if things go differently this time....

LauraJane said...

I feel this is the lovelyish love letter you could give your wife. Acknowledging the stretch it takes to get through this whole pregnancy after a loss wreckage with grace and strength. Beautiful. :)

LauraJane said...

Damn auto correct.
* lovelyist
* strength

Anonymous said...

I am a hellp survivor in the midst of my subsequent pregnancy. We lost our daughter to this horrible disease in 2011 at 34 weeks and I almost lost my life.

You are exactly right. Our life completely smashed to pieces and in the name of hope we have picked it back up again. Now, much like yourself we run right back into the eye of the storm.

Thinking, hoping and praying for her.

Mouschin@gmail.com

Bree said...

Yep, Kari is pretty spectacular. I'm constantly amazed at just how tough she is. Love you guys to pieces.

Jamie said...

Sweetness. Love you guys. Thinking of you all the time.

Anonymous said...

I've read along, lamenting with your journey of loss. Appreciating your thoughts, words and feelings and I must say that I am moved by your epic love story. You two have made two beautiful children. I hope your future is filled with health for your family. This new little man is coming into an incredible family and I can't wait to see how beautiful he is.

Gwen Jackson said...

A beautiful metaphor. My heart is beginning to feel the pangs of those sudden anguishing moments as we turn the corner to March. Love you and continue to hope for that little guy on the way.

Groves said...

I have noticed that you have a really great Mom - I think maybe she is Josh's mother?

She makes such supportive, kind, "in there with you" comments. She doesn't seem like the kind to avoid the hard parts - and she still knows how to rejoice in the joy.

So, Gwen Jackson, if I've got the connection right: You give me hope that such relationships can, actually, exist within families. I wish everyone had the kind of Mom you are.

Glad she's yours,

Cathy in Missouri

Stefanie said...

Wow! This is put so incredibly well. Thank you for the strong imagery and the ability to explain the unexplainable. Your words always seem to know just what to say.

Tash said...

Josh, your way of words never ceases to amaze me.

"an astonishing feat of grit" yes. Kari is one amazing lady.

Thinking of you guys.

Tash

surfjams said...

I wish I could find the words for things the way you do. Amazed and speechless once again, by the beauty and profoundness of what you express. Thinking of you guys during this homestretch, praying for sweet peace and deep trust to be with you as you fly past all the potential storms into your paradise.

Hope's Mama said...

Yep, this is it. This is exactly how it is. I'm so glad Kari has such a wonderful husband, in you, supporting her through this. And I know in her own way, she will be helping you as well. A great team you make.
xo

Laura Beck said...

Totally amazing words and imagery. and what understanding and love you and your wife have for each other. I wish you nothing but calm seas. xo

Anonymous said...

Dastardly fate couldn't have chosen two stronger more courageous people to walk this journey. Thankful she has you and you have her. The legacy of love you give your children and those of us honored enough to read is truly life-giving and life-changing. He will be here soon. And her memory, always.

TracyOC said...

I think y'all are both pretty brave. Sending much positive energy your way.

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