April 7, 2011

The Hospital

We went through so much here, I hardly even know where to begin. Our Stella was born here and our Margot was lost here, just a few rooms down from one another. Years from now, when we reflect on this delicate place in the foothills of the San Gabriels, I imagine this is what we will remember more than anything. But for the fourteen days we lived here, it has been agony and triumph, nurses and specialists, movies and visitors and cries of grief for Margot and desperation for two fist sized kidneys to regenerate.

A few pictures to remember these long, tiresome days:

[our room in the coronary care unit: most of the blood and platelet transfusions happened here, as well as our time with Margot]

[digits and catheters]

[the board in room 1422]

[view from room 1422. we spent hours sitting in front of this window, looking at the mountains that we have hiked and played in for the past six years]

[the hallway where our daily walking took place from day 7 to 14. we walked at least 20 laps a day down this hallway]

[dialysis. those two tubes are running into kari's neck]

[dialysis machine]

[the bereavement card outside our room, signaling to those who entered that we were in mourning]

[visitors. our families and friends came up in the morning, afternoon and evening to bring food and help us pass the time. we couldn't have done it without them]

[stella + eisley + sam]

[our wonderful, loving, tender dr. wu. he delivered stella and margot and shared in our grief more than we could have imagined]

[kari + stella, sharing a legs crossed moment]

[our wonderful nurse sheena removing the catheter from her neck. no more dialysis! kidneys are healing. we longed for this moment]

[perhaps the defining picture of our entire stay here. when kari was fighting for her life, she remembers wanting to simply feel the sun again. every day on our walks together, we would stop for several minutes in this window, letting the beautiful sun rain down on our bodies and our grief]


Beck said...

That last image says so much. Keep facing the sun.

Samuel Bills said...

That is a powerful image.

Linda said...

Thanks for sharing this...SO THANKFUL you all are HOME & Kari's kidneys are functioning on their own! MANY prayers have gone up for you guys from MANY people who love & care for you & we will continue to pray...See you soon!

Wendi said...

Ditto Beck. Sending so much love to you guys.

Gram said...

that picture is amazing....the light on kari.....as if from Heaven.

Unknown said...

Love the last picture. The sun can definitely be a healing element. So glad Kari is at home now and you have your wife and Stella's mommy with you.

glo said...

Prayers continue. I needed to soak in some of that sun with Kari too. Thanks for posting all the pictures but yes the last one speaks right to the heart. There is lots and lots of warmth and sunshine for all of you. Soak in in indeed.

Heather Bray said...

What a beautiful pictorial. Thank you so much for sharing that with us.

SHARLENE said...

Wow, that last image! From our vantage point, Kari looks like an angel enveloped in God's light. Quite a photo.

Know the prayers will continue for Kari's continued restoration healthwise and for all of you as you walk this grief journey.

May the Lord fill you with His peace and rest.

"'...Peace, peace, to those far and near,' says the Lord. 'And I will heal them.'" Isaiah 57:19

Danielle said...

My son (he's 8) and I continue to pray for you everyday. "keep facing the sun"

Anonymous said...

you are such a gifted writer, josh. those images are so emotionally powerful. that last image is incredible. thank you for sharing. i'm happy there was sunshine there for you guys everyday. XO.

gerrittl said...

Dear Josh...your words strike a chord deep in my soul, you have a gift of verbalizing your feelings and what a blessing that will be. I have always worked through joys and sorrows in my life by journaling. We pray for you, Kari and little Stella daily!! So happy you are home. All our love and prayers....Robin and Gerrit

IvyT said...

May you keep standing in that healing light. So many stand with you in spirit.

Unknown said...

This last picture of Kari looking outside made me cry. Im not sure why because it looks beautiful. That was the first thing I seen beauty, a brief moment of peace and calm maybe. I struggle with death like and always have. My flesh aches while my soul knows that there is a greater place than here. I just wish my flesh could realize that and quit feeling pain. I feel your pain and Im so sorry. My parents lost a baby at birth also. It happened before I was born. My mom was very sick and couldnt leave the hospital my dad had to take care of the baby funeral stuff himself. She died ( my mom)2 years ago and as I cried and held her and watched her leave this earth I knew she would see that baby boy again, she waited many years to see him. I know shes happy but I miss her so :(

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